Communication

Recently I had the chance to teach a lesson on couple's communication, and we have quite a few couples in the family.  As a family, we have the opportunity to strengthen one another.  The discussion here will only address common values, although some of the Church leaders will be quoted.

For example, I love this quote by President Kimball:
"In my experience I find that in a large number of marital cases, the problem is lack of communication; the wires are down, the poles are burned, husbands and wives are jangling, and there is static where there should be peace. . ."

There are so many road blocks to good communication.  (Think of this as a wrap song).  Wedges, Grudges, I'm RIGHT/YOU'RE WRONG, wrong time, wrong place, too much commotion, too Much Emotion, Not enough information, Too Tired, Don't Care, and all those Assumptions . . .(Don't get me started!)   The Blame Game, Guilt trip's and tackled by Defensiveness.  What about dishonesty?   Sarcasm!  Held-Captive-by-the-PAST?  Road Blocks!

Negative communication creates isolation and misery.

I remember taking an Institute Class on courtship and marriage at the University of Utah, which was taught by Dee Hadley.  I ran across an article by him, which was quite good.  One thought of his that struck me is this, "When couples take the time to understand each other, both feel more appreciated and loved, and their marriage begins to grow in that unity which can seal heart to heart for eternity."  How often do we really take the time to understand another person?

Tips on the  "understanding" phase of Communication
1.  Give your full attention and take some prime time.
2.  Don't try to fix things in this stage.
3.  Invite more information.
4.  Summarize what you have heard.
5.  Ask open questions to clarify.

Spending time together builds a relationship.  This can be simple things like going on walks, or hanging out while your husband does a project.  Sometimes things come up that are not pleasant, like financial difficulties, or (you name it!) . . .  Yet, if we learn to be kind and respectfully honest, if we make sure we understand what the other person really means and/or needs, then the unpleasant moments are just moments.  Sorry is a great vocabulary word, and forgiveness is a great practice.

Develop the skill . . .

It's worth the effort!

I can't remember where this quote came from, but I like it.  "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."  Have a great day, and don't forget to have a few laughs.